So when I questioned God.....

The back story,

I often reflect on the things my mother said while I was growing up. One thing she would say is, "You don't ever question God." I can remember so vividly, her voice and her eyes as she pointed her finger and and looked super serious. It was scary because for a long time I thought, if I asked God why He had allowed "bad" things to happen, that I would get shocked by lightening or hit by meteor. I was sure that nothing good could come from me asking God why. Now anyone who knows me knows that "WHY?" is one of my favorite questions, and anyone who has known me for a long time knows that this is not a new characteristic of mine.

(Thank you God for all things you have allowed to occur in and throughout my journey. Thank you God for allowing me to ask You the question "Why?". Thank You God for showing me the answers. Thank You for being honest and true. Thank You for allowing me to show the world You.)

Okay, so when I questioned God, He told me that He had been waiting. He said that He knew that I would need to understand "Why?" then He chuckled. I asked what was funny. He said it took longer than He had expected. He explained that He watched me carry burdens that weren't mine for a long time.

(I didn't realize at that moment that asking "Why?" meant that I was ready to let go of the hurt, the pain, the grief, the anger, THE TRAUMA that this world had given me. Those things are not for me and they do not serve me. Me asking the question meant I was ready to let it all go!)

Then God explained that the things that had happen needed to happen for me to be who He wants me to be. He said that the things that had happened and that will happen were and are not to hurt me, but to help me. He explained that He allows people to think that they are doing things to me, but that those things are actually

FOR ME! (I laughed.)

(People are afraid to ask God "Why?" because they are afraid that they will receive a response or they aren't ready to deal with the response they know they will receive. My mother had only told me things she had been taught. Most religious teachings and practices were started during slavery as a way to control black and brown people. Those practices are typical of some modern day churches as a means of controlling their members.

(Thanks Ma for teaching me something! Thank you for giving me reason to believe that asking Why? is an option in the first place). )

So, then God assured me that as long as I trust Him, He will always take care of me. He reminded me that Marcus was My Angel from the time he came into the world, He showed me how to continue Marcus' Legacy. He promised that He will send me all of the right people and an abundance of finances, and an infinite amount of resources, as long as I agreed to stay true to myself, and to always lead with love. Quietness...

Again, I questioned God. "So you're telling me that You took My Child and You want me to trust You?" God said so clearly, "YES." He added, "and people will question what you do, people will say NO, and you will get frustrated." So I'm thinking at this point, "I get it questioning God means I have to trust what He says, obey Him, forgive people, let go of things that do not serve me, basically, I may have to do some work, I thought, "My Mama and them may have had it right."

This is the part where I had to decide, do I Heal in My POWER? I'm talking about the POWER that God gives to all of us. It's a supernatural power that is accessible to us, if we chose to partake. Or do I live in the pain? The pain I felt about losing over and over again. Do I continue to feel the emotional wounds of grief and depression....?

Since I'm in my "Healing Corner" I'm sure you all know what I chose.

My point is that it is okay to ask God "Why?" Job did, and I know I sure DO.. I do because I realize that there are some things that are just too much for my physical human brain to comprehend. I am aware that God knows the answers to all questions, and because His Spirit is in me, I am privy to those answers, and when I am ready, He reveals all of those answers to me.

So friend, when life gets "real" and you are seeking the answers that will bring you the PEACE that God promises, ask Him, "Why?" then listen, He is waiting to reveal the answers you seek!

Peace and Blessings,

Nicole