Forgiveness is a practice....

It has been a goal of mine to post in this space more consistently, because of what it is and what it will become. It is important for me to use this as a platform to help people feel peace, and my thoughts may be the very thing someone needs to feel enlightened, to feel motivated, or to experience a little piece of peace...

A thought that I had the other day as I watched Khai and Lu play, was forgiveness is a practice. That means as hard as it may seem to forgive people, you have to do it over and over again.

Here is the story..

A few days ago, Khai and Lu were playing, and we were talking about how much they have grown. Khai says " I think I'm going to be tall, my mom said my dad was 6'2." There was a feeling of anger that came over me, as I watch their eyes become full of wonder of how Marcus may have look, because they will never meet this great man, his father, her uncle. We will never again experience the warmth of his hugs, the funniness of his laughs, or the comfort of his voice. This means they won't either, and immediately I became ANGRY.

Angry because this was stolen form my grand-babies, and they are missing something so near and dear...

As I processed my anger, I realized that first, these were my feelings and I shouldn't project them onto my grandchildren, and second, my grandchildren are perfect spiritual beings who aren't deficient of anything. They experience Marcus every day through us. They get the hugs, they hear the laughs, and they receive comfort through our voices all the time. Marcus is able to do all of these things through us now.

Back to forgiveness, well see, to me forgiveness is a practice because I could hold the anger that I have towards the person who did this to us, but I won't hold that, because that won't benefit me or my family. I could be angry at him and I could be angry about the situation, but again, that energy does not serve me or my family, so I practice forgiveness and remind myself everyday that I have forgiven him. I release feelings of anger, fear, and confusion. I release all feelings that do not add to my growth or to my forward progress. I do not allow people or situations dictate my feelings or emotions. So, forgiveness is a verb. It is something that I do daily. Not just forgiveness for the person that murdered my son, but for others whom I encounter on a regular basis, who do or say things that hurt my feelings or make me feel "a way."

Feel your emotions, they serve a very important purpose. Feel the pain that comes from your trauma, feel the feelings that come when people do things to you that you don't like. No need to be tough and pretend like that those things don't hurt. It's okay to feel. Feeling and processing emotions regardless of how painful is important and necessary. This is how the purpose for our emotions can be fulfilled, and this is where healing begins! This is one way to turn pain into power.

Remember, hurt people hurt people and healed people heal people.

Which are you?

Nicole